I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
