my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize