I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
