Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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