I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
