thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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