I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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