didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
