man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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