My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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