Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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