like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
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The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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