I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
