Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
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I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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