wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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