im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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