So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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