My balls are so social today.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
