I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
