I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
