Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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