my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
