He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
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