I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
