i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
