I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
