He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
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It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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