if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
