I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
