You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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