My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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