Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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