So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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