Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
