Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
