I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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