I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
