I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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