He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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