He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
