Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
