Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
