uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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