i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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