Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
