she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
