One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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