I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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