that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
