Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize