peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
