hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
