It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
