1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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