I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
