oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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