I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
