I wanna passion pit in your ass
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
