Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
