u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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