How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
