doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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